How To Win Friends & Influence People

Book Review Key Points:

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don’t criticize: Try to figure out why they do what they do. People work better under a spirit of approval.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation: We often take our spouses for granted and do not tell them we appreciate them.  That’s why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager to want: Every act you have ever done since the day you were born was done because you wanted something.  Do not state what you want but how you can help them and focus on their wants, not your own.  See things from the others persons POV.  Arouse in another person and eager to want. Instead of making others think it is our idea make them feel like it’s their idea

Six ways to make people like you
1. Become genuinely interested in other people: You can make more friends in 2 years by becoming interested in them then you could in 2 years by getting them to be interested in you. This is the most important quality for a sales person to possess.
2. Smile:  Important body language as your smile comes through in your voice.  2 people could be doing the same thing and just smiling gives that person a different mental attitude.  Your smile is like the sun breaking the clouds and most people are pleasantly surprised by it because most people do not smile.
3. Remember a person’s name: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves: When you are genuine with this it makes people feel like never before.  Remember their toothache is more important than a famine in China that kills a million people.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests:  Find out what interests them and what they enjoy talking about.
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely:  And do it respectfully. Most people especially a gate-keeper, for example, do not feel respected. Little phrase courtesies such as won’t you please, would you mind, help, thank you go a long way.  Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.

Win people to your way of thinking
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it: Welcome the agreement and be careful of your first natural reaction which is a defensive one. Try to build bridges of understanding.  Look for areas of agreement.   Be honest to help disarm.  Promise to think about the ideas presented to you rather than having to come to a conclusion as your opponent may be right.  Thank them for the disagreement and think of the person as someone who genuinely wants to help you.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong:  You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help them find it within themselves.  The little word “my” is the most important word in human affairs.
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically:  By fighting you never get enough but by yielding you get more than you expected.
4. Begin in a friendly way: The friendly approach and appreciation can get people to change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately: Begin with and keep emphasizing the things you agree on (and do not start with what you disagree with).  You are both striving for the same result in the end and the only difference is the method and not of purpose. A no response is the most difficult to overcome.  The more yeses the more likely we are to succeed in capturing the attention for our ultimate proposal.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking: When people excel us they feel important but when we excel them they sometimes can feel inferior.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers: Ask input from the group how to be a better manager and then ask them what they should expect back.  Referrals let the customer sell the self.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view: Success depends on sympathetically grasping the others person’s view.  Speak so there is no sullenness, no resentment.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires: I don’t blame you one bit for feeling as you do.  If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.  Apologize for what you did no matter if it’s necessary because this will have the other person see ups POV.  Sympathy is what every child and adult still want.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives: Find out what you or the company had done to fail them.  Then appeal to a nobler cause by letting them know you consider them to be honest, upright and fair.
11. Dramatize your ideas: Use showmanship and creativity to make the truth more vivid.  Like sending out an email that Matt did or one that provides a date and time to meet in a formal letter.
12. Throw down a challenge: The desire to feel one’s importance, to excel, to compete, spirit.

Be a Leader
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation: Shows you have confidence in the person. Sandwich approach.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly: By praising what they did “and” giving them something to think about to do it differently.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person:  Like going into debt, drugs, floss.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders: Maybe it would be better this way; may I suggest; you could consider; what do you think; People are more likely to accept an order if they felt they were part of the decision that caused the order to be issued.
5. Let the other person save face: I have not right to diminish a man in his own eyes.  What matters is not what I think of him but what he thinks of himself.  Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement: Let us praise even the slightest improvement that inspires the other person to keep on improving.  We all crave appreciation and recognition.  But it cannot be insincere and must come from the heart.  If you can inspire people to realize their hidden treasures they possess, you can do more than change them, you can transform them!  We are only using 20% of our brains & potential.
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to: If you want a person to improve act as though that particular trait were already one of his outstanding characteristics. Give them a reputation to live up to and it can transform a person.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct: Point out strengths and make it seem easy to correct the faults.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest: Consider the benefits they will receive from doing what you suggest – they need to know this.  Make them seem too important than the actual task.

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